Top Ten Tacky Things to Do In Tenerife

Fri, September 28th, 2012 - By Andrea Montgomery

This is my list of things tourists do on Tenerife that qualify as either tacky or uncool. Feel free to continue doing one or all of them (except number 7) as long as you have a good giggle while you’re doing it and are fully aware of how deeply uncool it is 🙂


Fish spa

1. Sit with your feet dangling in an oversized fish tank with mini-schools of tiddlers attached to your heels and corns. You’ll find plenty of places all along the Geranium Walk from Los Cristianos to La Caleta in which to pay for the dubious privilege of having your flesh eaten.

2. Wear swimwear to the shopping centre. Would you do that at home? I thought not.

3. Get your hair braided. Let’s be honest, unless you look like Bo Derek or at least have her cheek bones, the chances are you’re going to look like someone who’s had their scalp pulled very, very tight…and then got it sunburnt.

Camel rides


4. Go on a camel ride. My apologies to the centre at El Camello in El Tanque which I’m sure is run by perfectly nice people but if you do nothing else, can you please do away with the faux Bedouin robe you insist on having everyone wear?

5. Hire an electric wheelchair simply because you’re too idle to walk.

Full English breakfast sign


6. Have a pint with your full English breakfast. Greasy food needs a hot drink to wash it down. Save the pint for afterwards.

7. Overdo the sun. Nothing is more uncool than someone who’s badly sunburnt, apart from someone who’s peeling after getting badly sunburnt.


8. Have your photo taken with a parrot on each shoulder and one on your head, even the parrots think it’s uncool (€10 on the promenade above Playa Bobo in Costa Adeje)

9. Think you’ve actually won something on a scratch card. You’re not really the only person the tout has ever known win that prize, you’re just the one standing in front of him/her at the time. It’s a scam to get you in front of a hard-sell timeshare. Wise up.

10.  Pay €10 to go on a so-called ‘blanket tour’ of the island which includes your lunch and a complimentary bottle of wine and then moan that the wine was bad. How cheap are you?

Posted : Friday, September 28th, 2012 at 10:52 am
Category : things to do
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6 Responses to “Top Ten Tacky Things to Do In Tenerife”

  1. Estanis says:

    Totalmente en desacuerdo con usted …como puede beber té con un English Breakfast

  2. But I want to try the fish-eating-my-feet thing! I really do! I can see I need to buy a wig and big sunglasses before I go!

    • Andy says:

      LOL! Yep, a heavy disguise will be necessary 🙂 There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to have a fish spa – clearly lots of people do, just be aware as you sit there in full public view, doing something that is semi-private (would you pumice your heels or cut your toe nails on the beach?), that it is a really tacky thing to do. Then get someone to take your photo while you’re there, send it to me and I’ll keep it all to myself… *evil laugh*

  3. Jan says:

    isnt this bucket list what we all go there

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